The Great Barrier

In considering great barriers that crop up in the road from time to time, nothing can compare to fear. It has stopped great dreams from becoming realities, great adventures from getting off the ground, and above all great service to God from ever being accomplished. Fear is a prison. It paralyzes, sucks all joy and shatters dreams. Joshua knew all about fear as did David. In fact, I wonder if any one of the great Bible characters were ever free from it. I doubt it. But what made the difference was not that they were never fearful, but that they refused to let it hinder the direction God gave them.

After my encounter with Bruce Wilkinson that October day, fear rose up in me like a monster. I knew God had given me a direction, and a vision, though little of it was clear. But still I was overcome with the feeling that this vision was absolutely impossible, certainly impossible for ME to achieve! It took me thirteen months from the time Bruce gave me the not- so-gentle push until I actually made the phone call to the first prayer team person. The road during those thirteen months was rough, some of the roughest terrain I have ever been on because it was riddled with intense fear and confusion. I was afraid of three things.

The Fear Factors

First I was afraid of God. What if He was serious about all of this and was actually asking ME to accomplish such a great task. I surely did not want to end up on the wrong side of God! (I would often think that well, maybe God had made a mistake, or He thought He was asking someone really smart and talented, or maybe I had misinterpreted the whole thing.)

But then there was another more horrible fear! What if He really was asking ME to do this. I had no idea where to begin. I had no business or production training. Clearly there were hundreds if not thousands of more capable people to do this. If I failed terribly it would be SO humiliating. I was afraid for ME.

And lastly I was afraid of “WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK”! People. Their opinions were important to me. I had wonderful friends whom I loved dearly. Would they think I had gone off the deep end? The road was so rough that I simply stalled out. I was too afraid to go forward and yet fearful of disobeying God. I was miserable, stopped dead in my tracks and it seemed for a while that the journey was over before it even got started.

Psalm 55:4, 22
My heart is in anguish within me.
Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you.